40 Graces for Forgiveness - A Healing Journey

  Day 7:  Goodness Really embarrassing confession here: I never liked the ‘good boys’ when I was younger. I mistook ‘good’ to mean dull, safe, weak, and  not for me . Therefore I considered the (really good) guys in my church youth group unappealing. (I’m sorry, Joey and Brad and Russell and all the rest of you—it wasn’t you. It was me.) I think I was too chicken to actually  be  a rebel, so I tried to date them instead. Bad juju, girls. Bad juju. It’s a long story how I ended up with my salutatorian, electrical engineer, Naval officer husband, who is one of the finest, most upright, and honorable men anyone could ask for. In other words, not remotely my single self’s type. I woke up the day after our wedding, looked over, and thought, “How in the world did  I  end up with  you ?!?” I’ve learned a lot from Hubs about what “good” actually means, though. Good encompasses: Integrity , having all the aspects of one’s self in unity; lacking hypocrisy; ...

  Day 6:  Kindness Our church recently had a men’s weekend “retreat” (read, “ski trip with a Bible study one morning before the slopes opened”), and the theme was ‘Kindness’. Hubs went with our thirteen-year-old son. As they walked in the door Sunday evening our middle daughter was in the throes of a hissy fit because she couldn’t get the TV system to turn on correctly. She yelled upstairs for assistance. Her brother responded, in a calm, kind, and incredibly mature voice, “Just a minute, I’ll be right down to help you.” It was instantly clear to me that some manner of  Invasion of the Body Snatchers  had taken place over the weekend. Fortunately (or unfortunately) the effects were short-lived. By the next day the boy was back to growling at his sister with his usual post-hibernation-Grizzly-Bear undertones and snarled lip, somehow transforming the two syllables of her name into eight. Kindness is a powerful preventative to the need for forgiveness, isn’t it? My son’...

  Day 5:  Patience Oh, wow. Yeah, this one. Patience. I would really like to skip right over this one and pretend it isn’t there. I’m not patient. I’m  impatient . Hmm. I never noticed that before. The first two letters of impatient are “IM”. As in, “ I’m ”. When I’m impatient, it’s because  I’m  in a hurry.  I’m  doing something important.  I’m  being thwarted or frustrated or hindered or obstructed. Like every other sin, the sin of being impatient is all about  me . I cringe when I remember how many times I raised my voice (okay, yelled) because my children were taking too long getting their shoes or coats on. I knew I was being a jerk even as I was being a jerk. Many times I apologized and asked their forgiveness. And my longsuffering children always forgave me. I want to learn better patience. I want to make my life less about me and more about others: my husband, my children, my friends, strangers in the grocery store. Has anyone ev...

  Day 4:  Peace I love peace. It’s the thing I want in my home and in my life more than anything else. For me being at peace means living in a state of safety, orderliness, and calm. I know what to expect and nothing about my expectation troubles me. I’ve found that if I stay relentlessly calm, the rest of the people in my house are more likely to remain calm as well. It’s been said “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. In my world, if Mama’s happy there’s about a 68% chance everyone else will be happy too. Forgiveness, of course, generates peace. When one of my children  is forced to  decides to apologize, and the offended sibling  is coerced to  chooses to say, “I forgive you,” the tempest subsides. Perfect peace is rarely attained at that precise moment, but a path toward it is opened. Peace will only come to rest on me and my home if I actively, wisely practice its cultivation. * * * But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable...

Day 3:  Joy What is joy? According to my dictionary it is “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.” When do I feel joy? Not that often, if I’m honest. I  enjoy  things—my morning coffee with half and half while the rest of the house is still asleep; an afternoon nap when the sun shines over me and the heater blows air out of the vents; an evening out with the hubs at our favorite restaurant. But real joy? I felt joy when I turned over the keys of my life to Christ, and escaped the claustrophobia of myself, as a pastor I heard recently so aptly put it. Speaking my wedding vows was a joyful moment, so much so that my eyes leaked, because for several years prior I’d had a very good reason to believe I would never marry. I experienced joy when my children were born. (Not in small part because the pain was finally over.) In fact, every moment of true joy I can remember came in on the heels of some kind of pain. Might forgiveness bring me joy through the cessation of pain? *...

  Day 2:  Love Love is a choice. It’s a verb, something I do. Or don’t. I don’t love because I feel, I love because I  will . Peter asked Jesus how many times he must forgive a brother or sister who sins against him. Seventy-seven times, Jesus replied. (That’s a rabbi’s way of saying, “A lot. More than you can count. Every. Single. Time.”) I can only truly forgive via love. Love that chooses. Love that chooses Jesus over its own pain. Over its own indignation. Over its own ache to be right and to be defended and to be vindicated. But love releases all its rights. Love says, “It’s better for you if I suffer this. So I will suffer it. Instead of you.” Jesus went to the cross for love of us. For love of me. To love Jesus is my choice. To forgive another is my choice. * * * Love… does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:5-6 * * * Father,...

  Day 1:  Forgiveness Entering the Lenten season, I realize that one of the things I desperately need to give up is chronic pain. Not chronic physical pain, but chronic emotional pain, the kind that comes from hanging onto old, inflicted wounds with two closed fists. Forgiveness is the key, I’m told. (I’m told that a lot.) And I believe it. Yet forgiveness never seems quite able to clean house all the way. That’s probably because I haven’t allowed it to get in the corners and under the furniture and into the backs of the cabinets. I let forgiveness give pain ‘a lick and a promise’, as my grandmother used to say when she didn’t have time to do things the way they should be done, so she did just enough to fool the neighbors if they stopped by. So, over these next 40 days I’m going to let forgiveness have its way with me and my house. I’m going to practice forgiveness not as some esoteric vapor that floats around my head for a few minutes when I’m feeling especially spiritual, bu...

  Would you join me for a 40-day journey toward learning to forgive? We'll spend ten days each looking at: The Fruits of the Spirit The Brokenness of Ourselves Ten Attributes of Christ, and Christ's Walk Toward the Cross If holding onto a grudge has been a problem in your life, this is the 40-day study for you. There's no charge and no need to do anything but read along and consider. Blessings and peace during Lent and all year long-- Maria